Nothing

I was listening to a podcast this morning for the nth time. It’s my favorite episode/topic of this morning radio show I always listen to since coming back to Manila. The podcast is entitled “Dear Almost Lover.”

 

The first time I listened to it – live/broadcasted – my hands started getting clammy. Something my body does when I’m in pain.

 

You might think I should be over this specific episode already, but I’m still not. My hands got clammy again, it went up to my arms and my heart beat was irregular once again.

As if it’s the first time I’ll listen to it ever.

I guess we never really get over some things.

I first listened to this when I was in high school. Safe to say, this is the anthem of my life.

 

Someday – Nina

Someday you’re gonna realize
One day you’ll see this through my eyes
By then I won’t even be there
I’ll be happy somewhere even if I cared

I know you don’t really see my worth
You think you’re the last guy on earth
Well I’ve got news for you
I know that I’m not that strong
But it won’t take long, won’t take long

Cause, someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
You’ll see I won’t even miss you
Someday, someday

Right now I know you can’t tell
I’m down and I’m not doing well
But one day these tears, they will all run dry
I won’t have to cry sweet goodbye

Cause, someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place
Oh, one day I’ll forget about you
You’ll see I won’t even miss you
Someday, I know someone’s gonna be there

Someday someone’s gonna love me
The way I wanted you to need me
Someday someone’s gonna take your place
One day I’ll forget about you
You’ll see I won’t even miss you
Someday, someday

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SO FRUSTRATING!!!

So last week, I went to a 4-day solo business trip to audit 3 malls in the Panay region.

I have to audit and inspect our malls in Iloilo City, Jaro, and Antique. Everything’s going the way it should be.

I first audited the mall in Iloilo, the next day I went to Jaro and on the third day, I went o Antique to check on it especially since we just opened the expansion area of the mall. The audit and inspection went really well. I reported to the Mall Operations Manager and Chief Mall Architect the raw audit photos in the late afternoon. Then I went around again for the night photos to check on the lights around the mall. I also stopped by for half an hour in the newly opened (first in the town) cinema theatres.

Then I went to the hotel to rest before I head back to Iloilo City the next day for my flight to Manila.

The following day went okay. And when I got to the airport and finished all the check-in requirements, I decided to transfer the audit photos of Antique to my laptop so I can work on it later on. So I connected my phone to my laptop. Previously, I already prepared a folder for this particular mall on the Desktop, named it “RP Antique” which is also the name of the photo folder stored in my phone.

But for some shit luck, I decided to delete first the folder on my Desktop but I instead deleted the folder in my phone.

And now I’m still trying to recover those files. I need help. Serious help.

I’ve downloaded tons of recovery apps but all they do is show me either photos that I already have or the photos I don’t even remember anymore except for the one I actually need.

 

Btw, I don’t have an SD card, those photos were stored in my phone’s internal memory that’s why it’s a bit hard to recover. But if anybody out there knows how to retrieve those files, please PLEASE let me know. I need all your help 😦

AYOKO NA

AYOKO NA.

Pagod na pagod na pagod talaga ako. Ayoko na.

I’m too emotionally stressed these days. I thought I’m okay na. I was beaming last Wednesday. People complimented me for it cause they noticed I’ve been very quiet lately, so it was great daw that I’m smiling and talking to people more.

Usually kaya ko namang sarilinin yung pinag dadaanan ko, but this one is different. It’s so different to the point na I am seriously considering transferring to a different office or city.

It’s supposed to be simple – I just fell for him when I wasn’t supposed to. I’ve experienced far more heartbreaking moments compared to this but how is this more painful.

Must be because I see him everyday – going about his day and his life as if nothing happened. It’s so unfair. I never asked for this.

Truth be told, all these feel like it was just thrusted into my arms.

I never saw him that way. I was just talking to him cause I truly enjoy talking to him but people had a different idea. And people – not just those who are close to us, but people who we barely talk to cause they are on a different part of the office and all, but suddenly took interest in US. US. Fuck that pronoun.

I was just minding my own business but people started taking interest in us, noticing too much that we were talking “too much” with each other. And we really did. There wasn’t a day that we didn’t talk. How I wish I could take those days back.

Ayoko na. Sana hindi na lang ako nakinig sa mga sinabi nila. Never naman ako naging special sa kanya. We were just enjoyinh each other’s company by talking. Nothing special. NOTHING FUCKING SPECIAL.

I never planned on confessing those feelings for him. It was very superficial. Ni hindi ko nga inaamin sa sarili ko na I already harbored feelings for him cause the mere fact na pag-amin ko sa sarili ko or thinking about it, makes it so true, and I dont want it to be true. Partly because I dont want to give people a reason to believe what they were thinking or noticing, and partly because I know it will end with me crying buckets – and I really did.

I am such a mess right now.

And ayoko na. AYOKO NA.