Mauerbauertraurigkeit

 

Mauerbauertraurigkeit:

the inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like


The year 2015 has been the most challenging and formidable year that I have lived so far. This year gave me a lot of bruises and scars that I will carry with me forever.

 

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I’ve endured harsh and upsetting words from my mother because she’s upset that I have to spend one more semester in college, instead of graduating with my batch mates last March 2014.

 

I’ve suffered emotional and mental turmoil because of the men boys I thought was genuine. I’ve asked myself what and where did I go wrong. I’ve blamed myself for being me; for looking the way I look.

I’ve coped with nepotism and didn’t speak about it until I broke down in the middle of a conversation to a client. I’ve seen this nepotism and politics firsthand. I am the friend of the favoured one. I am the employee that has to exert a great amount of effort to stay where I am and to rightfully earn everything I obtain.

 

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Well, my year isn’t only full of challenging situations. It also had encouraging occasions. For example, I finally received my diploma, got promoted at work, discovered who my real friends are, knew how to stay away from potential danger that is called fuckboys, and etc. Everything made me want to go away, hide somewhere else, not get in touch of anyone and just be with myself. I wanted to push away people and burn bridges with the toxic ones – family, friends, workmates…

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Right, so 2015 made me start this blog again. As an outlet of things that happened and is happening in my life.

 

Hello. I’m Fainah. Nice to meet you.